DISEASES FACTS

People that use mobile phones are 2.5 time more likely to develop cancer in areas of the brain that are adjacent to the ear they use to talk on the mobile phone.

Over 90% of diseases are caused or complicated by stress.

Over 436,000 U.S. Troops were exposed to depleted uranium during the first Gulf war.

On average, 90% of the people that have the disease Lupus are female.

Many cancer patients that are treated with chemotherapy lose their hair. For some when the hair grows back, it can grow back a different colour, or be curly or straight.

Diabetes is the fourth leading cause of death in the U.S., accounting for about 180,000 deaths per year.

Chances of a women getting breast cancer are increased by excessive use of alcohol.

A popular superstition is that if you put a piece of bread in a baby's crib, it will keep away diseases.



A person that is struck by lightning has a greater chance of developing motor neurons disease.

Every year in the U.S., there are 178,000 new cases of lung cancer.

Every three minutes a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer.

Asthma affects one in fifteen children under the age of eighteen.

Every eleven minutes in the U.S., a woman dies of breast cancer.

Due to eating habits in the USA, one in three children born in the year 2000 have a chance of getting type II diabetes.

The oldest known disease in the world is leprosy.

SHOWER HABITS

Male and Female Showering Habits

Shower like a woman...

Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat.

Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loin cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Condition hair with cucumber and lamprey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.

Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it's all come off.

Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails and or tweezers (if you can find them).

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend hour and a half getting dressed.

Shower like a man...

Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her while shouting "Way Hey!!"

Look in mirror and suck in gut to see your manly physique.

Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff.

Get in shower.

Don't bother to look for wash cloth, don't need one.

Wash face.

Wash armpits.

Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower.

Wash bollocks and the surrounding area.

Wash arse, leaving hair on soap.

Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.

Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.

Piss in shower.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time.

Partially dry off.

Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again.

Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor.

Leave bathroom light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go "Yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her.

Put on yesterday's clothes.

When Will The Century End

There are people going to celebrate the end of the century with a party on 31/12/1999 and others on 31/12/2000. Which is correct?

Probably a lot are going to parties on both! In fact any period of 100 years is a century. 1897 to 1996 is a century, and a new century starts on the 1st of January every year. Similarly 1997 to 2996 is a new millennium. But these are not useful, and people have named some decades, centuries and millennia. Strangely, they have named the centuries and millennia differently from the decades.

Despite changes in the past our calendar is now calculated from a specific date when something may [or may not have happened]. That date is the 1st of January, year 1: there was no year nought! So the "first" century was years 1 to 100, the second 101 to 200, ... the twentieth century is 1901 to 2000 and the twenty-first century will be 2001 to 2100. Similarly the first millennium was 1 to 1000, the second is 1001 to 2000, and the third will be 2001 to 3000.

However, decades are different. We refer to the nineties [short for nineteen-nineties]: these are 1990 to 1999. If we used the equivalent names to centuries, then we would call the current decade the "two hundredth" decade, which is 1991 to 2000. Remember, there was no year nought.

If we called the century the nineteen hundreds then it would end on 31/12/1999: but we don't, and the twentieth century and the second millennium end on 31/12/2000. Have fun at both your parties!